Location: Death Valley National Park >>directions<<
Time: impending
BYOB: et al, see below
So I'm planning the
menu for the Judeo-Christian post Mayan Apocalypse supper after the 21st of
December . Now traditionally the menu
includes the Behemoth, the Leviathan, and Ziz (reference Cabal myths, Messianic
Supper). Now the good Catholics can only have fried Leviathan that Friday, so I
think this Messianic meal will be later in the week, Sunday sounds best. Plus,
I don't think the logistics of filling a volcano with cooking oil to deep fry
the Leviathan is practical, let's not even talk about eggs and bread crumbs
needed for breading. I will be poaching the Leviathan, this is just the
easiest, since the seas will be boiling anyways, with a side of steamed clams,
urchin, seaweed, and everything else from the sea.
The behemoth should
be driven into an oak forest to be killed. We will then light the forest to
smoke and BBQ it in place. Roast mushroom side with a squirrel-acorn canapé
starter. Other hor d'oeuvres may present themselves, if there is time to plate
them. Again, if there is time, I would like to marinated the carcass in some
amount of the 3+ billion surplus liters of red wine produced in the world last
year.
The Ziz presents the
most unpredictable ingredient component in the meal, the best case scenario is
to kill it on a salt flat that was a formally a sea and desiccate the carcass
skin for a few days, weeks or a year. I'm going for a crisp skin like Peking
Duck. We'll then use solar flares and
secret government death rays to bake and then broil it. We will need to get all of the OJ stored in
concentrate to make the a l'orange sauce.
This event is BYOB,
although if JC shows up we'll ask him to make a good chianti to go with the
fava bean salad. Please don't bring any stray dead monsters, titans, or corpses
of giants to add to the meal. This is a kosher meal and none of those are kosher.
Giants and titans seem like cannibalism to me and there will be plenty of time
& necessity for that later. Please bring some greens, vegetables, and
beans. Also bring your own silverware, cups, bowls, and plates. Otherwise, you will be eating off of hubcaps
using the splintered remains of our society as utensils. Children are welcome we will be showing
"Nemo" to keep them calm. If you have any allergies, well, you'll
have to suck it up and just try the beasts of legend. Although it would suck to make it through the
rapture and just die of anaphylactic shock once you know you're one of the
inheriting-meek/chosen-ones.
Bless y'all and see
you on the other side.
