Food Don'ts

Don't eat the green ones that’s for sure, it has been my observation that most crustaceans such as lobsters, crabs, crawdads turn reddish when cooked. ("dish", get it! ) I agree that eating things out of the sewer is to be avoided, I think that is above the rule don't eat the yellow snow. Yup, I don't even need to call my mother on that one...

I'm trying to eat my way through the animal kingdom; I’m up to 147 critters, although I have a couple rules.

1) Don't eat things from sewers.
2) No primates or above, this includes chilled monkey brains.
3) No German shepherds
4) No octopus' unless it would be rude; squid are fair game (they are predatory bastards); cuddle fish are marginal.
5) Avoid vermin; i.e. rats, door mice, and wild caught urban rabbits.
6) Cannibalism is only allowed if the other person is dead first and there are no alternatives as grubs, ants, aunts, cats, dogs, or birds around. Don't eat random frozen corpses you find in ice.
7) Pigeons, seagulls, and squirrels count as vermin.
8 ) Don't eat clowns they taste funny.
9) Don't eat the brains of ancestors they could contain sub-viral diseases similar to mad-cow-disease.
10) Always ask what exactly is in the dish if ordering in a foreign country such as France, Spain, China, Japan, or Malaysia. Although last time I was in France I added about 15 critters to the “Ate List.”
11) Never eat the "meat-on-a-stick" severed in a Korean Beer tent, or any beer tent as far as that goes. Actually, avoid meat on a stick in general especially where hygiene or meat suppliers are suspect.
12) If it doesn't smell right don't eat it.
13) Lettuce should be green; shades of olive or yellowed-green don't count. Beige is to be composted.
14) Avoid things that are described to you as "wafer thin" when you are stuffed. (ref: Meaning of Life, Monty Python)
15) If you have to choke something down request one of the following: a) it be smothers with butter or oil and garlic (snails, grubs, etc) b) it be covered in chocolate (grasshoppers, bumble bees, crunchy-frog), and/or c) a cold beer be supplied (oysters).
16) Worms are for the birds, unless you are on a morning show with a worm-do cooking expert .
17) Don’t eat the green ones, this includes Soylent Green.
18 ) Peas are a fruit not a mortar, avoid them if they are not green.

There are a few other things on this list but they are mostly contextual.